Lesson 3: Morning sickness (there’s no real lesson here—it sucks and there’s nothing you can do about it)

When I first found out I was pregnant, I was already 6 weeks along and thrilled that I had yet to experience any morning sickness whatsoever. I mean, 6 whole weeks and no nausea! That probably meant I’d never get it. I had this morning sickness thing beat.

Until I didn’t.

And by about 5 days after I found out I was pregnant, I most certainly didn’t. And I don’t know what asshole coined it morning sickness, because that crap lasts all. day. long.

But before Morning Sickness ever introduced its lovely self to me, Extreme Hunger did. The first time I felt the urge to eat the entire contents of the refrigerator came the morning after I found out I was pregnant. But I sat there refusing to eat, because I had already eaten breakfast. And I wasn’t going to eat again. I was convinced that this was just my brain making me think I was hungry because now I knew I was pregnant. After all, I didn’t feel this hunger yesterday morning, before I knew about Baby. And how much could really change over night? It was a trick designed to make me fat, and I wasn’t falling for it.

Until I did.

And I did so much that I gained 4 pounds by the time I had my first OB appointment. My doctor told me I should gain 25-30 pounds throughout my pregnancy, which left me wondering: Do those first 4 pounds count? She doesn’t even know about those. I could gain 34 pounds and she’d only think I gained 30, and then I’d get an ‘A’ as a patient! Yes! But I’d be cheating—so yes, I counted those first 4 pounds.

Now back to the morning sickness, which, like I said, reared its ugly little head around the time I was 7 weeks pregnant. And it lingered all day long. For me, it wasn’t that I threw up all that much (I think I could have handled that, and probably wouldn’t have gained those sneaky 4 pounds); instead, I experienced dizziness all day, like being carsick. My doctor prescribed Zofran, but it didn’t help much and I remember being miserable for the entire beginning of my pregnancy. Which makes me wonder, why do I look back and think, “Oh my God! I loved being pregnant?!” and I’m not lying to myself when I think that. How does that work? I don’t know, but I simultaneously was miserable and loved being pregnant.

I spent my first trimester trying all the tricks that people told me would help: eat first thing in the morning, before your feet even touch the floor; eat ginger; drink ginger ale. So I kept ginger cookies in my nightstand drawer, and every morning when the alarm went off my fantastic husband walked sleepily down the hall to the kitchen, made me a glass of cold ginger ale, and brought it to me in bed. I followed the instructions of my helpful friends very carefully, and I ate my cookies and drank my ginger ale before my feet ever touched the floor. Then I got up, ran to the bathroom, and puked.

I nibbled on saltine crackers (“make sure your stomach is never empty!”) all day long, and not one time did it curve my motion sickness. I chewed sugar-free gum, sucked on lemons, took my prenatal vitamin at night instead of in the morning. And still, I was dizzy. There was never a time that I wasn’t dizzy, but there were times when I was able to ignore it more than at other times.

I told myself all day long, “This is good! You feel like crap, but this is good because it means your body is producing enough hormones to keep Baby healthy. This. Is. Good.” And then I threw up.

I spent my first trimester counting down to my second. The second trimester would be awesome! I would look pregnant rather than bloated! I could tell the world we were expecting a baby! And I wouldn’t be sick anymore!

Wrong. Week one of my 2nd trimester passed and I was still sick. Week 2 passed and I was yelling to anybody who would listen, “What the hell?! Didn’t my body get the memo that we’re now in the 2nd trimester?!”

And then one day I woke up and, just like that, I felt amazing! I could eat and drink whenever I wanted, I could brush my teeth without puking in the sink, I could read a book without feeling dizzy. What the hell was everybody complaining about? Pregnancy rocked!

And that lasted for all of 3 weeks. On to the 3rd trimester, and I was back to puking all the time (and now every time I puked, I was pissing my pants! Awesome!), but it didn’t even bother me. I wasn’t feeling dizzy, so I could handle it. Throwing up just became a normal part of my day. Whatever.

So the only advice I have for you is that morning sickness will last no longer than 9 months. It will pass, and you’ll adjust until it does. Every time you feel that familiar urge to puke up your guts, just remind yourself that those evil hormones that are making you feel so awful, are the same ones that are making your baby healthy. At least you might smile to yourself while you vomit. I know I did.

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3 comments on “Lesson 3: Morning sickness (there’s no real lesson here—it sucks and there’s nothing you can do about it)

  1. I don’t think I have thought “I love being pregnant” once this pregnancy. I like to say that morning sickness is up there with cruel and unusual punishment. Like you I had a few weeks of bliss in the middle and have spent the rest of the time sick. Thank Goodness its only 7 more weeks till the due date 🙂 Maybe I will look back on this and erroneously think “I loved being pregnant”

  2. […] Lesson 3: Morning sickness (there’s no real lesson here – it sucks and there’s not… (kristiarumbley.wordpress.com) […]

  3. I think it’s nature’s way of making sure we continue to reproduce–your brain blocks out all the bad stuff so you only remember the good (i.e. I didn’t have to suck my stomach in!).

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