I don’t even remember what brought it up, the subject of girl toys and boy toys. My husband and I were at dinner with our three sons, my cousin, his wife Emily, and their two daughters. The husbands were discussing whatever it is they discuss while Emily and I were talking about the older two children.
The subject of toys came up and for whatever reason, I felt the need to brag that our oldest son, J, understood that there was no such thing as a “boy toy” or a “girl toy.” Toys are toys in our house. Period. I’ve explained to him many time that boys have penises and girls have vaginas, and unless a toy has a penis or a vagina, it’s neither a girl nor a boy. And if it does have a penis or a vagina, he likely shouldn’t be playing with it.
So anyway, Emily and I were talking about the children and for whatever reason, I decided I needed to to put J on display and show off his lack of gender discrimination. My plan was to have him explain that girl toys have a vagina and boy toys have a penis. And then I would ask him which toys have penises and which toys have vaginas, at which point he would happily exclaim, “None! Toys aren’t for boys are girls. Toys are for kids!”
So I turned to J and I asked him, “Hey J, what do boy toys have?”
He replied seriously, “A penis.”
My plan was rolling right along. So I continued. “And what do girl toys have?”
Emily and I giggled a few times into our margaritas at his fumble of the word vagina
He then turns to his cousin and asks her, “Hey E, do you have a jedi?”
She stares at him.
He continues, “You have a jedi. Girls pee out of their jedis.”
At this point, Emily and I could no longer contain ourselves. We’re laughing so hard that it finally attracts our husbands’ attention. As we try to explain to them what they’ve missed, we’re laughing and snorting so hard that nothing that came out of our mouths made any sense. Our husbands look on in confusion, asking each other if they can understand what it is that we’re trying to say.
I keep trying to get it out, but for the life of me, I can’t speak any English in this moment. The more Emily and I try to explain, the more hysterical with laughter we become. Finally J just shrugs his little shoulders solemnly and says, “Boys have a penis and girls have a jedi.”Then he rolls over onto his back on his chair, sticks his legs in the air and says through giggles, “But we all have butts.”